I read this morning about a doctor who went mad and shot people in a hospital. As a doctor myself, I know that docs have terrible stresses trying to deal with a corrupt medical-industrial system that impairs our ability to help people regain their health. Then I went to look at the NY times article, here: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/30/nyregion/bronx-hospital-shooting.html. He's richly melanated, that is to say, he has lived a life of fear because of his skin color. I infer from his violence that he may have been guilty of the accusation--sexual misconduct. He was a man, and he was angry enough to shoot others and hopeless enough to set himself on fire and shoot himself. He did not see any way out. He knew he would not receive compassion.

What people forget when they demonize any group of humans is that they are human. Dark skinned people. Doctors. Men. Gun owners. Murderers. Whatever group. All humans share the same basic needs. When those needs are not met, we have the same basic emotions. Driven hard enough, any of us could become dangerous. Hitler had reasons. The Arabs that flew airplanes into buildings had reasons. No one is pure evil, we are simply human and if tortured we can lash out, or become cunning.

My hope that that everyone who reads this will take a deep breath or three and think about the kind of pain that drives a person to such horrors. My hope is that compassion will rise in spite of the poisonous atmosphere of shame and blame that dominates our political world. We all deserve an opportunity to be free from fear, long enough to find our centers and our hearts and reach out into the world from that place. It will take a lot of us finding compassion to heal these wounds.

The worst criticism
seeks to have the last word
and leave the rest of us in silence;
the best opens up an exchange
that need never end.
--Critic Rebecca Solnit, quoted in Brainpickings.org

One of the best things about my sweetie is that he is at least 73% grown up.  He's 62 years of age, and he's neither an early or later bloomer, he's just a man.  I credit his wives and life with educating him, and him with making the effort to become a decent human being.  It doesn't happen to everyone.  The mankind project helped.  He really is kind, generous, and thoughtful.  He is a very hard worker.  His word is better than his memory.  He's trying.

Unfortunately, he still leaves dirty dishes in the sink.  I've been working on him to realize that this is important to me but he persists in thinking that I am unreasonable in asking him to do it differently.  When we have partners that we care about, it is wise to concern ourselves with their desires, even if they seem irrational.  Doing what we want to do for them is different from doing what they want us to do for them, or just in general.

So I just ran across this article by a man who confesses up front that he was a terrible husband.  He's so awash in authenticity and willingness to work on himself that I'd be surprised if his ex-wife doesn't want him back.  If she doesn't, someone else will.  Guys who are sincere and have integrity rule.

Here's the guy's blog.  It's awesome.
http://mustbethistalltoride.com

And the article about leaving things in the sink:
http://mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

In my process of preparing to leave this town, I have thought a lot about the people who were for a while close to me, and are no longer. Today I wrote letters to three of them, and I just put them in the mail. In each case I have moved beyond my own hurt and anger, and was able to simply speak my truth without judgment or regret. It was very satisfying just to write down my thoughts, and to let them know that I still think of them and still care, even if our paths go different directions.
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