The awakening to the mystery of life is a revolutionary event; in it an old world is destroyed so that a new and better one may take its place, and all things are affected by the change. We ourselves have become mysterious strangers in our own eyes and tremblingly we ask ourselves who we are, whence we came, whither we are bound. Are we the being who is called by our name, whom we thought we knew so well in the past? Are we the form we see in the mirror, our body, offspring of our parents? Who, then, is it that feels and thinks within us, that wills and struggles, plans and dreams, that can oppose and control this physical body which we thought to be ourselves? We wake up to realize that we have never known ourselves, that we have lived as in a blind dream of ceaseless activity in which there was never a moment of self recollection.
—J.J. Van Der Leeuw from "The Conquest of Illusion" (George Allen & Unwin), 1951.

Another person discovers that having too much stuff is a burden on one's life.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/10/opinion/sunday/living-with-less-a-lot-less.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&

In a recent study, the Northwestern University psychologist Galen V. Bodenhausen linked consumption with aberrant, antisocial behavior. Professor Bodenhausen found that “Irrespective of personality, in situations that activate a consumer mind-set, people show the same sorts of problematic patterns in well-being, including negative affect and social disengagement.” Though American consumer activity has increased substantially since the 1950s, happiness levels have flat-lined.

7 Common Habits of Unhappy People
Posted By Henrik Edberg On October 5, 2011
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2011/10/05/7-habits/
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I have this strange chair that is the corner out of a segmented sofa. It is supposed to be off white, but it is so old and dirty that it is more like gray mottled with brown. Last winter the roof leaked on it and the stains were the worst yet. I generally keep it covered with a blanket. Today I propped it up on the bannister of our tiny 2nd floor porch. I sprayed it with dilute dish soap, scrubbed the spots a little and hosed it off repeatedly. Then it started to rain. I thought "great, it will get rinsed off well". But then the rain set in as if it would never end. The chair might never dry left out on the porch. So I just wrangled the oversized ugly thing back into the foyer and set a fan on it. This chair only came with me to Oregon because my cat loved it. It is the thing that has told her we are "home" in the several moves we have made so far. I think this may be the end of the chair. It is a piece of garbage that I carted here with me from Arizona. I often think back on the stuff I loaded in a truck to bring here. Junk. But this chair has had its moments. It has been a good meditation chair. And it fits well in small nooks beside windows. I think I paid Suzanne (not this Suzanne but the prior one in my life) $10 for it. I can barely believe I paid ten bucks for this. But here it is. Funny how possessions can complicate our lives. I would have done well to get rid of it a long time ago, and the cat would have known some other way that we were home.

I keep thinking I should get rid of 90% of everything that I have.
Then I cram more stuff into the closet that I might use someday.

--a derivative of it practiced in design for the Medical Profession
--Evidence Based Design
--If a hospital has the money and can hire a good design firm you'll see a lot of influences from Feng Shui (natural elements, color, light, etc.)
--Barabara Huelat, book on amazon

The kitten just brought me a gift. It was the front half of a frog, with entrails hanging and only one leg left. I was in the middle of about a dozen tasks at the moment that I saw the frog. The task most immediately at hand was making the bed. The kitten was very excited, clawing and scrambling under the bed as she likes to do when it is being made. But then she scrambled her frog half into my vision.
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OK, so yesterday when my computer got fixed for free, and a few other things worked out to my benefit, I began to think that perhaps "my luck had changed". Only the way I think of it is more that I am cutting loose from a stuck place, moving forward in an energetic way. I think that going to a couple of yoga classes helped bust me loose. And cleaning my place. Washing my sheets and lighting a candle. I think playing the Boob Job Mix loud helped too.
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My computer died on Thursday. Or maybe Wednesday, but I didn't discover it for a while. Today I took it to the "Genius Bar" at the Apple store in downtown Portland and they fixed it -- for free! The power control unit on the mother board needed to be reset. That's it. Phew! When my machine chimed I told the guy "You ARE a genius!"

I had a lovely bike ride back up to NCNM from downtown Portland. The school is very close to town. I am going to start going to town one day a week after school, just because I enjoy the city so much. It hums, and I hum right along with it. I love to see all the crazy wild people on the sidewalks. There was a lady sitting on her jacket on the sidewalk, playing violin---wow she was incredibly good! Music makes me happy.
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Today was my first day of classes in the first of four years of training to become a Naturopathic Doctor. The histology lecture began at 12:30, on the heels of a wonderful ritual.
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Yesterday I did a few more home-making errands, such as buying a kettle that whistles so I won't burn any more pots on the stove. I bought a gallon each of vinegar and bleach, and cleaned my bathroom for the 3rd time. I washed the walls first with vinegar, then with bleach, and the green colored water revealed that I was actually removing the paint from the walls. I left a fan blowing out the window to remove the fumes. I cleaned under and behind everything, scrubbed the trim, pulled all the hair and bandaids out of the heating vents, washed all the towels and rugs, cleaned the litter box and took out the trash. After it was all done I had a hopeful moment that the smell would be gone, but it's still there. I can burn incense in there every day until I die and that smell will still be in there. I may try some commercial products that cover or "eat" odors.

So I remain open to other living arrangements.
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