NATURAL LEARNING RHYTHMS
Professional Relationships with Child and Family that Vitalize Optimal Well-Being
slide show copyrighted 1993, today's date 10/12/09
SHE OFFERS ONLINE COURSES FOR CE ON NLR
Her Fave: dance of mutual development between adult and child
was the subject of her doctorate, on processes of adult development, end of Nov
My impression of this woman: great resource, anyone with difficult situations in parenting would find her assistance invaluable.
organizing principle--child's worldview
relationship--to child's ddevelopmental capacities
respect for child's capacities
communications--co-create social world
environments--to best support wellness
neuroplasticity continues throughout life
event-->interpretation-->meaning-->brain change-->physiological change-->health status
Views of human development
Behavioral--Pavlov, cognitive behavior sci
Cognitive--mental mapping, Piaget, "schema": adaptation assimilation accomodation, then neopagentians-->emotional
Social--zone of proximal development = what we are close to and want to know, interpersonal, Russian socialist
Moral--Colbert and Gilligan, conscience, morals, ethics, Colbert-->gender roles: male (justice)/female (care)
Emotional--developmental organizers, affective relationships
Spiritual--values, meaning, sense of sacred
NATURAL LEARNING RHYTHMS APPROACH TO WHOLE CHILD
how kids org world (stage specific purpose-->creates meaning)
easily learned, applied
synthesis of all: development is emergent
incl apprec of family dynamics
incl respect for family system
human is healthy, whole, worthwhile at every stage
THE ESSENCE OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT:
Human capacities are innate and development depends upon relationship
(how sense of self is formed)
each is a new birth, new world view
each has different perceptions, behaviors,
different needs = developmental imperatives
must meet needs of current life stage to establish well-being
even if previous stages were malnourished
"go through the open window"
when needs met these things form:
rightful place, trust,
autonomy (teen, healthy self governance),
healthy identity formation (teen, identities are toys),
initiative and academic excellence,
meaning and purpose in life
The system of interconnected individuals forms the primary environmental influence for the child.
attitudes of adults are sensed and felt by children
ORGANIZING PRINCIPLE = age appropriate innate capacity to
respond to environment
adults and children meet via communication
language is the vehicle
powerful tools: words
positive communication depends on understanding what child is capable of valuing
driven by development which influences perceptions of world and self
child's self concept emerges in communication with adult
empathy is a key: "feel into child's feelings", "grasp child's experience from within"
"Social connectedness is so basic and vital to human health that it affects blood pressure, the incidence of heart disease, and the intimate workings of the immune system."
STAGES (transitions not covered here)
1-7, primary OP: sensation, secondary: is this my place, language: sensation based, belonging, right to be in this world, to be heard, imitation is primary sensation based learning m ode
SUPPORT: safety, security, sensation flexibility, sensation based learning tools, play areas established close to parent
RELATIONSHIP: child needs security, loving physical contact/connection, attitude of acceptance
COMMUNICATION: get eye to eye and heart to heart, soothing voice, offer things to touch, soft warm safe welcoming, acceptance, language of sensations, sensory based descriptions, acknowledge feelings and relate to them in a positive way, "I love you and I am connected to you" "I know you are angry", (aberrant behavior when needs are not met)
POISON: physical threat, television esp first thing in morning (Jane Healy on developing brain)
COMMUNITY: must be able to touch, explore, make messes, those who create pleasant and safe sensory based relationships,
LIMITS: undeveloped ability to share, can't tolerate threat, can't appreciate subtle/complex social contexts/relationships, no long term relationships outside family until next stage
QUESTIONS: Where is it safe to touch, explore? Who feels safe, welcoming? Who does my family welcome as one of us? Where can I explore sensory inviting environments? Montessori very good for this age child. Is this my place? Is this place safe?
DOC OFFICE: Have soft cushy things, sensory entertainment for this age child, places to hide
8-12 feeling being a child, trust is primary organizing principle, secondary OP: reciprocal cooperation, developmental language: feeling based communication, perceives by feeling, fairness from child's point of view
ENVIR: community of connected people, fair environment-->trust, inspirational stories, literature, courageous stories feed emotional development, open child to sense of awe with mystery of life
RELAT: authenticity, honesty with caring connection, trustworthy people, learning empathy, developing conscience
COMMUNIC: feeling words, empathy, encourage questions, must be honest on all levels, fairness, justice, caring, create trust with feeling mentors
POISON: ridicule, hypocrisy
COMMUNITY: trustworthy people esp family, extended family, neighbors, friends, teachers, animals, nature (pets!!)
LIMITS: family rejects, those beyond my immediate community (the rest of the world), those who violate my trust (news and media violates trust)
QUESTIONS: Where inspiring person/place? Adventure? Whoare trusted elders who can hellp me decipher my feelings? Where can me and my friends meet, play, learn more about each other, be guided? What do other children do? Who does my family trust? Who trusts me?
COMMON DXs at this age: ADD, ADHD, learning disabilities, because they're in school now, teachers trying to manage the chaos, lots of divorce when kids are 9yrs old-->big stress, child rxnx to stress: ADD, ADHD, esp in kids exposed to media, not so much quiet/depression as in adults, kids get put on ritalin, adderol, combos
13-18 primary OP: autonomy, secondary: identity construction, freedom/responsibility, social ability with right relationship to power, language: inquiry into teens ideals, perception: through filter of teen's ideals, understand these projections, do not contradict, "to reason with a child this age is counterproductive", adult job is to stimulate self-governance
teens are agents of social change
need and want boundaries, guidance from elders provides safety
teens help adults grow, but they are not ready to enter into your perspective
drugs: what is meaning of drug to teen? what looking for? escape from pain? what does pain look like, feel like, what does drug feel like? what is that like for you? is there another way to work with that pain? need safe space for teen w/o parents if they are not safe
sexuality: encourage healthy relationships, be shocked at nothing
ENVIR: receptive to teens views, social support without pressure, world with teen's ideals
RELAT: sensitive respect, exploration of freedom/responsibility matrix, humor, adults must not take anything personally, speak directly to teen, does teen answer? their voice needs to be heard
COMMUNIC: inquire into teens ideals, co-creation of limits (not rules), listen and be observant, physician must be very skilled to negotiate parameters for behavior, get "buy-in"
COMMUNITY: Self, those who help me learn how to self govern without imposing, chosen peers, elders who respect my ideals and family, dialogue about substantive values
LIMITS: Inability to admit self-imperfections, firm belief that the world should and will bend to my ideals, anyone who ridicules me.
QUESTIONS: Where can I express my ideals, creativity? Who can guide me with respect for my autonomy? Where is my opportunity to be with my peers? Where is my personal space and how much freedom do I have in it? Are there opportunities to apprentice in fields of my interest?
19-23 reasonable being individual, primary OP: complete reorganization leading to substantive values enduring through time, secondary OP interconnection with meaning and purpose, language: dialogue into meaning, perception through a systems view, "your struggle with this is welcome", dialog with child, share perspectives, exchange ideas, humor, humility, ability to act with intention
ENVIR: not condescending, do not lecture, willingness to engage change, support for comparison, deconstruction, re-construction
RELAT: recognition of maturity, humility coupled with humor, co-exploration
LANGUAGE: respectful dialog
COMMUNITY: those who see the world and its people as interconnected. Those who are interested in what I find meaningful and those who support my investigation into meaning and peers.
LIMITS: don't ask me to stick to tradition, obligation, condescension
QUESTIONS: Can I change? Will you recognize the new me? Is there reasonable dialogue on truth, equality, commitment, love, interconnectedness? Community support for me to enter field of my choice? Place where I can express my maturing sense of meaning?
Gender differences in stages? yes but many other variables too
Diff among cultures? yes.
How work with adults who are stuck in these stages? "showing atrophy", how move adults along? relationships presenting something new but not too fast/soon, we've invested heavily in our worldview, must have sense of trust before presenting alternatives for creating different future, past grinds against new ideas, this friction area must be managed carefully, lots of self questions, positive experiences with the new, build on all good results
Why is male enrollment in college declining?
she has no answer
Conflicting environments for child between school and home, or in divorce, how deal?
empower the child, harder when younger
When problem is parenting, how to educate parent?
family systems view
heal the mother heal the child
article in NDR
doc must be very safe, parenting is personal, never say they're bad or wrong
we do behind closed doors what we think no one will ever know but it is manifest in the child
"I'm doing this with your child but I need your help to support this health and wellbeing"
"I need the whole family to reorganize a little bit around what I'm saying"
job: inspire, hand out chart with notes on how to communicate, what is the child's stage, what is stage appropriate