liveonearth (liveonearth) wrote,

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I am grateful for.....

My counselor has given me the assignment of writing a list daily of everything that I am grateful for. I call it my "gratitude list". I have found it useful as a means of treating, of reversing my depression. She specifically told me to list things about myself that I am grateful for. That seems to be the hardest part of the assignment. She gives the example that I could be grateful for my strong legs that allow me to ride my bike up the hill to her house. OK then, I am grateful for my strong legs.

My mind has gotten into a rut of hopeless fearful thinking. Everything reminds me of the pain and difficulty that I anticipate. I am convinced that we Americans, using the unearned wealth of fossil fuel energy, are raping and pillaging our planet leaving a smouldering poisonous heap. Our air, water, and food are suspect. Our corporate government is disgustingly corrupt and has so much momentum that we the people cannot stop it. It's too late to vote them out. They will detain or kill anyone who has a chance of stopping them. Desperate times are coming sooner than anyone wants to admit. We are not as rich as it may appear. We the people are bottom feeders, and the trickle-down has been scrumptious for a couple of generations. But the pickin's are going to get slim as energy resources get more expensive. Dumpster diving won't yield such good stuff anymore. Desperation among poor people will bring all those guns into play. Security will be more of an issue among us than against some outside attacker. Crime will escalate. Rape and murder, robbery and intimidation will be routine, and if you don't live in a compound with people you trust, you're in trouble. The police will protect the state and the businesses, but not the people. We will be terrorized by anyone with greater firepower than ourselves. People will dive deeper into their addictions. Global warming will increase pressure on our society. Crops will dry up and die. Coastal areas will flood. The apocalypse will be here. You can wait for all this to happen, or you can kill yourself and miss the show.

Believing all this would make anyone depressed.

But with my strong legs, maybe I can walk to where the apple trees grow. Once the idea of gratitude is implanted in my consciousness it grows. I am grateful that it rained today. I am grateful for the flowers in my room. I am grateful for music, and friends, and good food. I am grateful to be alive. I could have died so many times but I am alive. It doesn't even matter if there is a reason why. When I am able to enjoy each moment, then being alive is enough. I am grateful for the new moon and a chance to be alone. I am grateful for a journal that you can read too. I am grateful that my tiny apartment has a kickass gas heater and a gas stove that is a pleasure to cook on. I am grateful for bacon, and bells, and the smell of wet pine needles. I am grateful for tall blue waves in the ocean and white sand beaches by the river and sunshine on my bare back. I am grateful that I learned to type in middle school and now I don't have to watch my fingers. I am grateful for Ani DiFranco, Michael Moore, and Bruce Belman. Once I get going the list gets too long to write, but let me just say THANKS Universe for this great gift of life and consciousness.

Blessed BE
Tags: climate change, depression, fear, gratitude, madness, politics, the long emergency

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