So tonight I was working on my homework assignment for clinic synthesis, and trying to find the abbreviations for a few things, when I ran across the wikipedia page listing medical slang. I have pilfered the entire contents of the wiki page, and started adding to it. I think this may be the beginning of something especially perverse. I LOL'd when I saw the definition of the acronym TEETH.
404 moment - The point in a doctor's ward round when medical records cannot be located. Comes from windows error: HTTP 404 error "Not Found".
Agnostication - A substitute for prognostication. Term used to describe the usually vain attempt to answer the question: "How long have I got, doc?"
Appy - a person's appendix or a patient with appendicitis
Ash cash - UK peculiarity of house officers obtaining payment for signing cremation forms
Baby Catcher = Obstetrician
Bagging = Manually helping a patient breathe using an Ambu bag attached to a mask that covers the face
Bash cash - UK peculiarity of Registrars obtaining payment for medical reports on patients who have allegedly been assaulted
Blamestorming - Apportionment of blame after the wrong leg or kidney is removed or some other particularly egregious foul-up.
Blood Suckers/Leeches/Vampires - those who take blood samples, such as laboratory technicians and Phlebotomists
Bounceback - a patient who returns to the emergency department with the same complaints shortly after being released
Bury the Hatchet - accidentally leaving a surgical instrument inside a patient
CNS-QNS - Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient.
Code Brown - a faecal incontinence emergency. Often used by nurses and medical technicians requesting help cleaning up an unexpected bowel movement.
Code Yellow - a patient who has lost control of his or her bladder
Cooch coach - PT that works on vaginas
CTD - "Circling The Drain" May also mean "Certain To Die"
Cyberchondria = Knowing your diagnosis from searching the internet.
DBI - "Dirt Bag Index", and multiplies the number of tattoos by the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.
Departure lounge - geriatric ward
DIC - Death Is Coming, Death In Cage - used by veterinarians describing the complications of Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation
Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery
Disco biscuits - refers to the nightclub drug ecstasy. Usage: "The man in cubicle three looks like he's taken one too many disco biscuit". Also means the drug quaaludes.
Doc in a Box - a small health-care center, usually with high staff turnover
Donorcycle - nursing slang for a motorcycle, so named due to the amount of head trauma associated with motorcycle accidents, but less so with the body, making the perfect candidate for organ donation
E-patient = electronic patient, who has access to the internet and is at risk for cyberchrondria. Also may refer to a patient who is empowered, engaged, equipped and enabled. Or to a patient who communicates via the internet, perhaps even doing office visits by skype.
FLK - Funny Looking Kid - used to indicate a child (usually a newborn) whose habitus or overall appearance, while normal in gross anatomy, suggests a need further medical investigation for congenital and genetic anomalies. "Funny", in this sense, means strange or unusual, not laughable.
Foley - a catheter used to drain the bladder of urine
Freud Squad - the psychiatry department
FTD - Fixin' to Die
Gas Passer - an anesthesiologist (also Gasser, Gas Man or Gaswallah)
GI Rounds - medical staff taking a break to eat lunch/dinner
GOMER - "get out of my emergency room" - a patient, usually poor or elderly, in the emergency room with a chronic, non-emergency condition. The name was popularized by Samuel Shem in his novel The House of God.
GLM - good looking mum
GPO - "Good for Parts Only
GROLIES - Guardian Reader Of Low Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt.
Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag
Hasselhoff - a term for any patient who shows up in the emergency room with an injury for which there is a bizarre explanation. Original Source: Baywatch actor David Hasselhoff, who hit his head on a chandelier while shaving. The broken glass severed four tendons and an artery in his right arm.
LOBNH - ("Lights On But Nobody Home) or the impressively bogus
LOL - little old lady
LOM - little old man
M & Ms - mortality and morbidity conferences where doctors and other health-care professionals discuss mistakes and patient deaths
NAD - Not Actually Done
NFN - "Normal For Norfolk", (a rural English county stereotypically associated with inbreeding.)
O-sign - A patient is "giving the O-sign" who is is very sick, lying with his mouth open. This is followed by the Q-sign - when the tongue hangs out of the mouth - when the patient becomes terminal.
Oligoneuronal - stupid, not smart
PAFO - "Pissed And Fell Over"
PFO - see PAFO
Pumpkin positive = Describing a person with a brain so tiny that a penlight shone into their mouth will make their empty head gleam like a Halloween pumpkin.
Q-sign - see O-Sign
Rear Admiral - a proctologist
Rheumaholiday - rheumatology (considered by hard-pressed juniors to be a less busy department)
Rule of Five - If more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance of survival.
Scutwork - Menial and tedious work, may be medically related, but the medical personnel resent doing it
Slasher - Surgeon
Shotgunning - Ordering a wide variety of tests in the hope that one will show what's wrong with a patient
Stat! = Right now, need results immediately, get it done!
Sunny side up - A baby born face up
Testiculation - Description of a gesture typically used by hospital consultant "when holding forth on subject on which he or she has little knowledge". Gesture is of an upturned hand with outstretched fingers pointed upwards, clutching an invisible pair of testicles.
TEETH - Tried everything else; Try homeopathy.
Tox Screen - Testing the blood for the level and type of drugs in a patient's system
TTFO - Told To Fuck Off.
TTR - Tea Time Review
UBI - "Unexplained Beer Injury"
Wallet biopsy - To check a patient's insurance and financial status before deciding on testing and treatments
Woolworth's Test - If you can imagine patient shopping in Woolworth's, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic.
Zebra = A very uncommon diagnosis or disease. Doctors in training are told that when you hear hooves, think of a horse, and when you are not sure of a diagnosis, treat for what is most likely while waiting for more information.
classes and clinic discussions
WFR and CPR classes from when I was a guide