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The Cat Chronicles

Shakti is sitting on the window sill in the east window of my office. The full moon is high and clouds are drifting past it, torturing the vampires. Suzanne is starting charcoal in a hibachi on the porch, and the pug beast is snorting in the hall.

I've been studying all weekend and I don't feel like I got very far. I have a couple of midterm exams this week (both on Tuesday) and the usual 7:30am quiz tomorrow.... I feel like I'm a few steps behind, just trying to cover the material once and never ever getting to really do all the reading that I'm supposed to do. Heck, I haven't read last week's The Week yet, and that's my favorite news periodical. Oh well. I just keep going. If I don't pass, I'll take the exams over. I haven't had to do that yet, but it seems like everybody has to eventually.

I called up a whole lot of people that I know in Arizona over the weekend, looking for a home for Suzanne's cat. The cat has been in Winslow for more than a year, but the house where the cat has lived is being sold, cat not included. She doesn't want the cat to be lost to her, so she's hoping that someone will take her in until she can get back to AZ. I enjoyed having an excuse to just call everybody. It was fun. Some of the people I have met in recent years have developed into friends. They just weren't the ones I expected to be my friends.

I talked with local Larry today and we were talking about that. How you don't know who is going to be your friend in the end. You may have some ideas about it, but it takes time for people to sort themselves out, and prove themselves. I am lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. And I feel this way after recently having dropped the pretense of friendship with several people locally. I do not want fake friendship anymore. I like my own company well enough.

There are lots of people I've lost from my life that I still think about. People who've been angry at me--rightfully or not--and ceased to give me the time of day. When I value those people, I have this tendency to continue to try to communicate and work it out. I don't understand how someone can say for years that they care about you and then one day suddenly just disappear from your life. I want to keep talking. One of my harder lessons is letting these people go. If they're not ready to talk to me, I can't change that. I can't make a person be real. All I can do is be real myself.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
sno_angel1488
Feb. 9th, 2009 03:57 pm (UTC)
Your kitty's name is Shakti? I LOVE IT!

When people come and go out of my life, I look for the lessons they've taught me. And then when I realize they're gone, I honor that lesson and chalk it up to decluttering life. Sometimes you regret getting "rid of" something when you declutter, but it clears space for something (or someone) bigger and better to take its place.
neptunia67
Feb. 9th, 2009 04:56 pm (UTC)
I think I have learned that I only have room for so many friends in my life. They fall into two categories: Close friends (I have less than five, and you are one of them) and Other Friends (good people who I enjoy spending time with but who I would not call on in a time of need).

I have lost contact with a few people that I think of from time to time. I miss them, but I don't think we'd have anything to talk about. I've changed a lot. They probably have, too.

I'm OK with this.
liveonearth
Feb. 9th, 2009 05:04 pm (UTC)
You sound so wise. I wish that I were better at letting go. Thank goodness I don't have to let go of you just yet!!
neptunia67
Feb. 9th, 2009 07:14 pm (UTC)
I'm grateful for that too!

I don't want to make it sound like it's been easy to let go. I just reached a point where I realized that friendships need to be mutually beneficial. I've tried to hang on to a few and it resulted in pain and/or frustration for me and probably the other person as well. Our paths took different directions and it was a struggle to stay on the same wavelength. Relationships shouldn't have to be so difficult.

I have one friendship that this is happening with right now. A good friend who I met when I was 21. Seems it has happened with the people I knew in my twenties. We weren't finished growing up yet, I guess.
liveonearth
Feb. 9th, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC)
Yeah. I'm currently sad because a student at school who I thought was my friend began to treat me like dirt. I didn't understand why, and finally I asked. She wasn't ready to tell me. I dropped out of choir in part because my time commuting to the group with her was progressively less pleasant. I dropped her also from my LJ, after reading everything under my obesity tag and realizing that she probably did that too. I suspect her issue with me has to do with her obesity and my comments and thoughts about it---though I certainly never spoke of obesity with her (because I knew it was a touchy subject), I think she has conflicts with what I have written. I hope that she comes into her strength and stops pretending that she isn't obese, or that is isn't a problem. But that's not happening any time now, so I quit.

It still kinda hurts.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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