liveonearth (liveonearth) wrote,
liveonearth
liveonearth

Tuesday feels like it should be Friday

I am supposed to be asleep but I haven't been sleeping well the last several nights. My TMJ is acting up such that I can't even put the backs of my teeth together, and I have to be in class at 7:30am tomorrow morning. There is something about the time pressure that makes it even harder to get to bed on time. It doesn't help that tonight I had a class until 8pm, and on Mondays and Wednesdays I'm committed until 9pm. It takes me a few hours to decompress after classes. I can't just go to sleep. I end up getting up at 11 or 12 and puttering around until I start to sag again.

It could just be the stress. So, how do I sleep early enough and well enough? What must I do? How can my partner help me? ???

I have flunked a couple of quizzes in Clinical Physical Diagnosis and it worries me. I haven't failed badly, but I've scored low enough that I absolutely must do better for ALL of the remaining quizzes in order to pass. That's pressure. I'm passing everything else so far. There are quite a few classes in which we have yet to have a quiz or an assignment.

On Monday I gave a card with an apology inside to K, and today she responded with a smile and a hug. She says she is ready to forgive me, and she looks as if it is true. It's a relief. The last thing I need is a grudge held against me in a classmate that I see all day long every day. She is in all the same labs as me, and she has been sitting at the far end of the room and avoiding me in every way imaginable. But then, when I watch her, she avoids almost everyone. I hope she is OK, and I am glad that I wrote my feelings down for her.

I wish that W, the once-coworker and possible friend in Flagstaff, would break her silence and communicate with me somehow. I sent her a letter telling her that I can forgive her for her big mouth. I keep getting in trouble for my big mouth too, so I can totally understand. Of course I said it in prettier phrases than that, I just get to be crass here on my journal.

Suzanne will be here tomorrow. She is in Idaho, halfway from Arizona. She sounded tired. When she gets here she can take a big time out, and rest. Then she will be ready for the next thing, whatever that is. She wants to find us a better place to live, and there are lots of houses for rent in this neighborhood, so maybe the rental market is getting more favorable. And she plans to find a job. I have no idea what she will do, but she needs to do something more than playing housewife in a dinky apartment. Working brings her into contact with the world, and when the world finds her, it wants to follow her home. At least, I did.
Tags: forgiveness, my life, school, sleep
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