liveonearth (liveonearth) wrote,

The Cat Chronicles

The kitten requires attention to dine. She meows whenever I am in the kitchen, and then chatters at me until I follow her into the pantry, where her food is on a high shelf. She looks back over her shoulder and entices me to go with her, and once on the shelf she dines eagerly while I pet her. I don't understand why she has such glee at getting attention precisely while she is eating. She just does.

She's been mad at me lately. Suzanne used to be here all the time and now the house is empty all day. No pug and no Suzanne of the gentle hands. Kitten gets mad when she is left alone too long, and she wanders farther away, stays gone longer and longer. I leave the window open. I will leave it open all the time, just a crack when the bugs are out or the wind is cold. I can't bear to leave her trapped inside while I am gone 12 hours at a stretch.

Sad news tonight. I had not realized it but now I know M is an alcoholic, and that she is desperately seeking dismal relationships to bail her out of her own insecurity. It is painful just to watch. She is a bright, strong, artistic soul and she will shine someday on her own. And I hate to see her grovelling after a brat, but she is. The fellow that just dumped her (temporarily) is incredibly undeveloped, selfish and insecure and abusive. He is insulting and destructive to her. And she's sick enough to want him. It is difficult to hang, but I sat with her for two hours. There is a lot she is not ready to hear. And there is a lot she has heard already and isn't ready to do. So I remained silent but for hugs and general support. I took a little bit of her pain home with me and I hope to leave it here in this entry. Hang in there!!

I mean to build a social circle full of people who are alive, alert, conscious, free. I don't need to surround myself with addicts, codependents and abusers. I don't want to. It just seems like everyone in the whole world is dysfunctional.
Tags: addiction, alcohol, readiness, relationships, shakti

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