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In the Bermuda Triangle of Portland

This school is located inside of a triangle of highways. I keep noticing, more and more, how the chi of the area is scrambled, chaotic, unpredictable and sometimes a bit pointed. Inside the school hallway where I now stand there are bundles of wires hanging from the ceiling, interspersed with air ducts and water pipes and flourescent lighting. There are flyers taped to the walls and it has the feel more of an unkempt elementary school than a medical school. Of course, it was an elementary school before. So I am still looking around and feeling somewhat uncertain that I am doing the right thing. I could go live up in the mountains, at the end of the road and the top of the drainage, and start my herb garden in the spring. I could plant fruit and nut trees and build a home, get established somewhere. But there are classes here that I want to take. I want to learn birthing and herbs and hydrotherapy. I guess I am still not completely convinced that an ND degree is going to take me where I want to go. But here I am, in the triangle. Time to go study the heart, some more, for another exam. Here goes.

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( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
calizen
Nov. 3rd, 2007 02:35 pm (UTC)
On the edge
How exciting to be on the edge of something new, not quite belonging, still feeling like you are on the outside looking in. You are a long, long ways from Flagstaff when you're in Portland. It is supposed to be quite a liveable city -- but rather odd too. It sounds like your world is opening up with the usual chaos that beginnings have.
liveonearth
Nov. 4th, 2007 03:42 am (UTC)
Re: On the edge
It is true--only my new beginnings have never before been this hard. Since I let go and went with the flow, things have seemed really easy. Sometimes I wonder---if this is so hard, is it what I am meant to do? Because when I am in the flow, things work out. I hope the feeling of flow returns to me soon. Thanks for commenting--I added you.
calizen
Nov. 4th, 2007 01:53 pm (UTC)
Re: On the edge
I have a fundamentalist Christian church that I type for (oh yeah, if they only KNEW who was doing their work!) and the lady pastor insists that things flow when we are doing what we are supposed to do. At the same time, she said that we always have obstacles to overcome. So maybe she's hedging her bets here on this.

Are you giving yourself a set amount of time to see if you like where you are?
liveonearth
Nov. 4th, 2007 05:03 pm (UTC)
Re: On the edge
That's funny that you were working for the fundamentalists! It takes an open mind. I have had many jobs in "security" and have been entertained by wearing a police uniform. Little do the enforcement-minded folks know who they have hired to be their enforcer. I hold to no human-made law that I do not agree with. I think it is better to infiltrate and convince from within, than it is to confront such cultures.

I'm giving myself four years to complete this educational program. It would take major hardship to dissuade me, since I have been working in this direction for years, and in spite of my sporadic doubts, I am convinced that this is the best place for what I want to do. I grouch and complain and worry at times, but in my gut I feel both resolve and joy. I am a basket full of opposite feelings. So no---I haven't really set a deadline for making a fresh decision. That decision happens every day. I suspect that Portland will only grow on me.
calizen
Nov. 5th, 2007 01:54 pm (UTC)
Re: On the edge
Oregon is certainly different than Arizona, but I do suspect that you will find many kindred folk there.
marijkab
Nov. 4th, 2007 02:19 am (UTC)
Hang in there. At the very least you're gathering an impressive amount of knowledge that could be very usefull to you in the future. I also am unsure of my future career path (as always), but I've begun to look forward to each new move and unknown work path- it becomes more and more a wider path with multiple choices rather than a narrow, dark and unclear way. Only time will tell, as usual.
p.s. I haven't forgotten that I am sending you something. I seem to be stuck in the triangle of no time to get to the post office. :)
liveonearth
Nov. 4th, 2007 03:19 am (UTC)
No rush, I'm not going anywhere.
Not knowing what path is best, I'll stick the the path I've been grooming these last years.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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