November 20th, 2007



This may be the first time I've had three hours to myself in ... a couple of months? More? I don't know. I think I needed it. I haven't taken a break yet, I've been deep into my studies, the research project, my philosophy paper (it has not taken true form yet), the biochemistry----all those metabolic pathways that I have skirted around and glossed over so many times. Never really covered in class, always avoided by the teachers. And also avoided by me. I thought they would be too complicated to remember, to peripheral to really affect my choices as an organism or as a healer. But now I am required to learn just certain landmarks on the landscape of metabolism. Knowing the whole map is not required, but now, having found a few landmarks, I can see that there IS a landscape. I am just beginning to see the crossroads and traffic patterns. I am beginning to grasp the workings of carbohydrate metabolism. This picture of how the body works is supposed to stick in my mind, to guide my choices from here on out....but will it? I need it to stick at least until I take the boards, summer after next. But for now, back to my research paper: I will finish it today. Then I will continue to branch out from glycolysis. I need to understand more about how fatty acids connect in, and about the pentose pathway.

Naomi Wolf's Ten Easy Steps to Fascism in America

America's fast track to fascism is not a surprise to me anymore, but I am still at a loss as to exactly what to do about it. Our democracy is nearly lost and my best bet is to focus on becoming a doctor? I don't know. I worry, you see. I worry that it will all go to hell in a handbasket before I am ready. But how to get ready? I don't know. How to do what is right and avoid being imprisoned? The fear of government reprisals already limits my freedom.

**It is a mistake to think that early in a fascist shift you see the profile of barbed wire against the sky. In the early days, things look normal on the surface; peasants were celebrating harvest festivals in Calabria in 1922; people were shopping and going to the movies in Berlin in 1931. Early on, as WH Auden put it, the horror is always elsewhere - while someone is being tortured, children are skating, ships are sailing: "dogs go on with their doggy life ... How everything turns away/ Quite leisurely from the disaster."**

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